Setting Boundaries
Boundaries are a big deal these days. We hear about boundaries, but few of us really understand what that means or how to set them. I’m not an expert on boundaries in particular, but as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, in this post, I’ll share what I do know to be true.
Boundaries are not a way to distance ourselves from others or push them away. Boundaries are a way to keep relationships physically, emotionally, and mentally safe for all people involved. Boundaries are a way to teach others how to treat you and how to respect you.
When I talk to clients about boundaries, I make it clear that boundaries are supposed to be about ourselves. They are what we will do in a given situation if we feel disrespected or injured by others. Setting a boundary means we do, or communicate what we will do if the instance of disrespect occurs.
Boundaries are not about controlling the voice or actions of other people. That’s their responsibility. Setting a boundary means we know how we will intentionally respond in a situation with someone where we feel disrespected or injured.
Sometimes boundaries need to be communicated with the other person(s). Other times, we can just know what our boundaries (responsive actions) are and implement them when we feel they are necessary to keep us physically, emotionally, and mentally safe.
Ideally, we want our boundaries to be flexible, not rigid. Boundaries need to be flexible enough to change over time. As people learn how to treat us and respect us, we may not need to enforce the same boundaries as intensely as we did in the beginning. People grow and change over time (ideally), and so do we. Therefore, we need to leave space for our boundaries to evolve as we do and as other people and situations evolve over time.
If you want to talk more about the relationships in your life and whether boundaries are necessary to keep you physically, emotionally, or mentally safe, feel free to schedule an appointment with me. I’d love to chat with you about how you’re feeling in your relationship(s), whether boundaries are necessary, and, if so, how to effectively and kindly set them. You don’t have to do this alone!
